A Bedtime Lesson

(Published in the Jewish Advocate, April 29, 2012)

I discovered a few years ago that my younger daughter, now 16, recites the Sh'ma to herself every night.  I am glad she finds comfort in this ritual, but was also embarrassed that I did not realize until it was too late that some Jewish parents recite the Sh'ma with their children starting from when they are babies. I have always understood the value of bedtime ritual in general, and until my daughters were able to read and bathe themselves, always kept the same routine of bath, tooth brushing, story, songs, and lights out. I understand that going to bed can be scary and performing rituals with loved ones can be relaxing and comforting. But somehow I missed the memo about reciting the Sh'ma. Truthfully, my husband didn't grow up with it, not even during his childhood years in Israel. I certainly didn't grow up with it. I regret that I missed out on hundreds of opportunities of spiritual intimacy and closeness with my daughters. Rabbi Daniel Gordis writes about the significance of ritual in his Becoming a Jewish Parent:  How to Explore Spirituality and Tradition With Your Children,

"In mentioning God at moments like bedtime, we, as Jews, are really reminding our children that there is a Presence whose closeness means they're not alone; it means that the world can be wonderful.  Let's remember what we want.  We want our kids to connect to Jewish life not out of guilt or a sense of obligation.  We want them to love being Jewish because it touches them, transforms their life, opens their soul." (Gordis 1999, p. 57)

I completely agree with Rabbi Gordis' approach to parenting and tradition, and we as a staff at the Billy Dalwin Pre-school truly want our students to love being Jewish.  In keeping with this philosophy, Temple Emunah's senior Rabbi, Rabbi David Lerner, created a program called the "Sh'ma Pajama Party" for families with pre-school aged children, several years ago. The now annual Sh'ma Pajama Party, an evening family event including dinner, pajamas, stuffed animals, sleeping bags, and a craft activity related to bedtime, stars our intrepid Rabbi David Lerner. He entertains the children by entering the social hall fully clothed in his winter jacket, hat, and sunglasses, claiming he is ready for bed. After peeling off several layers of outer gear down to pajama pants and a pajama top to the absolute delight of the children, Rabbi Lerner teaches the children how to make the letters of the Hebrew word Sh'ma with their whole bodies, one letter at a time.  Shin. Mem. Ayin. He then teaches the entire Sh'ma prayer with the V'ahavtah. We conclude the evening with a bedtime story and milk and cookies. What's not to love.

"Mom, I say the Sh'ma every night before I go to bed." The first time my daughter said this to me, around the time of her bat mitzvah, I gave a generic response of some unremarkable supportive words.  But the second time she said it, a couple years later, it was my cue to truly listen to her.  This time I looked straight into her eyes and responded in a more genuine way.

 "I'm sorry that I didn't know that I was supposed to recite the sh'ma to you when you were little," I said.  I felt it was important to acknowledge my gap in Jewish parenting knowledge, to let her know that I was truly listening to what she was saying when she revealed that she had taken on the ritual for herself.

"That's ok, Mom," she reassured me. I guess that means my daughter is becoming an independent young lady, and can make her own choices. She is no longer dependent solely upon my husband and me for love and security.  She has elected to bring God into her life every evening.  Thank God.